I have been living a lie. A fabulous, wonderful lie in New York City. A false reality. Holy hell. When I say it might go down in the books as being one of the best spring breaks ever….It was.
Lyfe was a little rough when we first began our adventure. We woke up at 5 am and nearly turned into Jack Frost at Jett’s Wildcat. We finally made it to the Phoenix airport and it was almost like a sign… In front of me and Cammie was our next door neighbor from our Cabo vacation- Baxter! It WAS a sign.
Despite me thinking that the plane was going to go down in the first 30 minutes, our flight was pleasant. The man sitting next to me (of course I got the middle…so my life) was at first very stand off-ish. Perhaps it’s because I told him that he was sitting next to two alcoholics.
He was not amused. Of course we flew Southwest, and the only incentive to fly the airline is the nuts. To my surprise and pure utter shock, the honey-roasted nuts are seasonal. I nearly chucked my salted peanuts at the stewardess.
We landed in New York and it was like I was home. Perhaps it’s because I am a black swan, but cold weather, big cities, and gloominess are my calling. When we got to the hotel it was like we stepped into a club. Ragefest ‘12. We hit the ground running in our Californian “winter” Coats. Unprepared.
It was like we had “Los Angeles” tattooed on our shivering faces. Eventually we found our restaurant, Revel. Once a-fuggin-gain, they laughed at my ID. I had LITERALLY the best Tuna Tartare of my life and was happy as a clam.
We pranced over to our hotel and then went to a club called Riff Raff. People were literally about to start chucking their iPhones at us when we cut the line and I was not about to get into a fight with Jersey/ New York natives but I was determined to get my VT’s. So WTFE.
Speaking of Native. They face paint everyone at the club. Cammie West didn’t hold back and decided to be full on tribal. I thought it might be a good idea to order a few drinks since we were not intoxicated enough.
Big Fuggin mistake. 4 vodka tonics=$80. That was a moment. First I said, “you’re joking right?”. Nope. No he was not. We all shook our heads and said that it wasn’t going to happen but then he decided to take sympathy on the peasants and just make us give him everything we had…or almost everything we had. Muaha.
Apparently nobody sleeps. We were there until 3:30 AM. Way past gigs’ bed time.We came home and were all getting in our PJ’s when someone knocks on the door. Standing there is this scrawny prick and two big bouncers.
“You are too loud, there are too many people in the room, we called you twice and warned you, I will charge you thousands of dollars, and I’ve done it before.”
We had been home for 20 minutes and had not ANY phone calls. I could tell the bouncers were definitely embarrassed for this night manager asshole since as he was literally screaming at me as I stood in front of them in my yellow Victoria secret shorts and night shirt. Sweet dreams.
We woke up scared and confused since we hadn’t gotten any phone calls and noise complaints. We went to Starbucks struggling so hard and decided to call and consult my mother AKA Carms.
She beat us to the punch and told us that because of the noise complaint they were going to move us to two rooms right next to each other. I’ll take it. But it didn’t end there. Then Carms heard about the night manager and unleashed. We then got upgraded. Boom.
We wandered around SOHO, fought off the crowds at Top Shop, and looked at all the things we couldn’t buy. Our friend’s Bizza and Abbey invited us over for a little soiree at their apartment and planned on taking us to a fab restaurant.
Bizza had an amazing view of NY from her roof and things were going great until we were just about to leave and I zipped my pink top into my skirt. Again, so my life. We ended up cutting the shirt. Guess I’m never wearing it with jeans again.
We cabbed it to Pippa, an amazing Tapas bar, where we sipped on the best white Sangria I have ever had. I don’t know if I mentioned this yet, but I literally ate and drank my way through NYC.
We stopped at Bizza’s boyfriend’s apartment for some cocktails in Tribeca then went to LAVO. I’ve heard not so great things about the LAVO in Vegas, but allegedly the one in NYC is amazing.
I will say they had a tough door. Here’s my issue with clubs: You give someone a clipboard and they literally think they are God and have the authority to treat people like shit.
Let’s get real dude….you’re a bouncer at a club.
We got in and it was Vegas (XS Vegas, not LAVO Vegas). Do these people ever rest? We left at 4:30. Woof.
Day 3: d-day
Channing, Olivia, Katie, Cammie and I woke up once again hungover and cured it with Bellini’s. Apparently in NY it’s protocol on Sunday to have a Boozy Brunch. Oh and how we boozed.
I met up with my cousin PJ, Bizza and Abby, and Cammie’s Georgetown friend Joey.
Bottomless mimosa’s….Happiness. Thanks to my very trendy friend, Malory McDonald, and her recommendations, we were able to hit every great restaurant and bar.
Needless to say we were all euphoric when we left Ms. Lily’s and went to the Upper East Side. We stopped by Bergdorf’s, Henri Bendel, and my ALL TIME FAVORITE pastry shop Ladurée.
The line was so long, but I didn’t care as long as I had my pistachio Macaroons. As we were nibbling on our macaroons, a Golden Retriever comes up to Channing.
This might have been one of the best moments of the trip. The dog named Piloh jumps on Channing and the Russian owner goes, “Piloh! No, she does not want to play.”
The dog continues to jump on Channing basically knocking her over (mind you the dog is as tall as Channing when he jumped on her). Piloh was not on a leash for some reason and was trying to get the macaroon.
“Piloh, say goodbye,” the Russian owner kept saying. He expected the dog to obey him. Finally, Piloh said goodbye. And so did we after attracting so much attention from the line outside of Ladurée. We nibbled on more Macaroons in Central Park and then found the one thing that made me want to come to New York in the first place: hot dogs.
Katie and I nearly got hit by a cab crossing the street for our hot dogs. It was magical. After gnawing on our hot dogs, we decided to stop by the Standard for a fun drink, called a “Penny Drop,” before walking back once again euphoric to our hotel.
By this time we were all exhausted. We went to Morimoto for an overpriced and not so great meal, but my idol Emily Schuman had gone there so I assumed it would be great.
We came home and realized all the vodka was gone. B-O-B. We went to our hotel bar and managed to get free drinks thanks to our fav app, Foursquare.
Our bartender advised us to go to SL on a Sunday. We thought it would be a fun bar, but no it was a club.
This was D-day.
I have VERY little recollection of this night. In fact none of us do. I woke up the next morning to Channing and Katie storming into mine and Cammie’s room asking what happened. I felt like Allen from the Hangover.
Katie looked on the table and goes, “what’s this?” She lifts up the tray and there was- a BLT, a pile of fries, chips, baked macaroni and cheese, and pepperoni pizza sitting there untouched. COMPLETELY UNTOUCHED.
Apparently we ordered room service. I have no idea how it got into the room…none of us do. The most frustrating part of all is not that we had a large bill, but it was the fact that we didn’t eat it.
TFM= total fatty move. When I say I have never blacked out, I’ve have never really blacked out. I think I actually blacked out that night. No…I blacked out that night.
Here’s what I remember: showing my ID, wearing a sombrero, holding a bottle, meeting someone who looked like an Arabian Drake, and met someone from Anaheim.
So I guess SL is a club where all the players from the Giants go. I forgot they won the Super Bowl but it all started to make sense when people got very snappy when Katie started record a video and told her to put her phone away.
Don’t you know I am the ultimate Papparazzi.
**Further details about the night have been excluded from this post.
I have actually never been so hungover in my life. NEVER. Not after any big pool party or PP from frosh year….this was D-Day. Holy Hell. I wanted to die. We made reservations for the 9/11 memorial at 3 pm.
After running around the financial distract, we finally made it to the site. Oh, and guess what? I booked it for the day before. BOMBS.OVER.BAGHDAD. !!!!!!!!!
We luckily got it figured out, but we were still all so hungover. I thought I was going to throw up in the memorial fountain and I was not alone because I actually thought Cammie was going to croak
We went to lunch at Bubby’s in Tribeca, which was amazing but unsuccessful since Chan and I thought we were going to have to submit ourselves into a hospital for IV’s.
I slept from 4-8:30. My cousin, who is also a closeted alcoholic, (runs in the family) convinced us to go out.
We went to Beauty and Essex and at first it was struggles ‘11. It felt like Abercrombie & Fitch with the dark rooms, way too loud of music, and attractive men.
We sat down and were finally re-born. PJ, who I call “Peej”, came and met us. Before we left, we went to the restroom where apparently they give out free champagne.
My kind of place.
PJ took us around the Lower East Side and then to a fun speakeasy called Death & Co. I drank gin. Who have I become? My friend, Cammie, lived a gossip girl moment. And that’s al I’m going to say…. ❤
We ventured to Coyote Ugly, which is similar to the wreck except even sluttier outfits, stopped at the Standard but it was no fun on a Monday so we ended up at our hotel, which had really weird artsy-fartsy bars and clubs. We met this crack head named Jenny who wasted our time. The night ended too late once a-fuggin-gain.
Why must we leave this magical place?! We ventured to the Empire State Building where I was forced to face my worst fear: Elevators. It was so much fun, but it def made me uneasy looking over the edge. Once again we went to Ladurée to pick up souveneirs for friends and fam. Of course, we ended our trip in a poetic way: Hot Dogs and Pizza.
I love this city. NYC- until next time
For more Spring break shenanigans scroll down