I become a hyperventilating crack head in airports.
Every single time the same four thoughts go through my head.
1. I will miss my flight.
2. I will lose my boarding pass.
3. I forgot my ID.
4. I will somehow have something illegal in my bag and will be detained for the rest of my life by the TSA
None of these things have ever happened, except when I missed my flight from LAX to Chicago, and when TSA misunderstood my curiosity for concern about the the new metal detectors: They thought I was smuggling drugs in my Magnolia Cookie Box back to Tucson.
I flew home from Sacramento on my fave Southwest
I snagged an aisle seat next to a couple and ordered my usual glass of chardonnay.
To my surprise I got the drink for free since the male flight attendant was a U of A Alumni from 1994…. totally.
Also to my surprise was how intoxicated I became after 1 glass of wine.
My mom was ecstatic to see me and my slurs at baggage claim.