I become a hyperventilating crack head in airports.

Every single time the same  four thoughts go through my head.

1. I will miss my flight.

2. I will lose my boarding pass.

3. I forgot my ID.

4. I will somehow have something illegal in my bag and will be detained for the rest of my life by the TSA

None of these things have ever happened, except when I missed my flight from LAX to Chicago, and when TSA misunderstood my curiosity for concern about the the new metal detectors: They thought I was smuggling drugs in my Magnolia Cookie Box back to Tucson.

I flew home from Sacramento on my fave  Southwest


I snagged an aisle seat next to a couple and ordered my usual glass of chardonnay.

To my surprise I got the drink for free since the male flight attendant was a U of A Alumni from 1994…. totally.

Also to my surprise was how intoxicated I became after 1 glass of wine.

My mom was ecstatic to see me and my slurs at baggage claim.