My last morning in NYC will definitely be a morning to remember.
Not only was I coming off a seven day bender after an eating/drinking spree, I started to hear things.
I was having extremely vivid dreams the whole time I was in New York.
It must have been the water, because I actually thought all my dreams had happened.
The last morning I was there, I woke up in a daze and heard, I’m going to sound crazy, a kazoo.
I sat up, and realized it must have been in my vivid dream.
As I lay in bed praying that my flight would get cancelled because I did not have the energy or stamina to pack, the phone rings.
“Is there a David Jones staying in your room?” Said this rando woman.
“Um no… why?”
The woman said, “Oh we have a prescription for him and it says he is staying in your room. It must have been a mistake. Have a good day.”
I go back to bed, then hear the Kazoo.
I thought, it MUST be David Jones- the crazy man who needs his prescription pills and snuck into my room.
I ran out of my hotel room in my llama shirt (seen below) and my maroon juicy sweatpants with my going out purse.
I called guest services, and told them what had happened- that I heard a kazoo twice and thought someone was in my room.
They said they would send up an engineer.
After too many hotel guests had passed and seen me barefoot in my llama shirt, I called again.
“We’ll just send up security.”
I thought rent-a-cop.
Three guys who looked like they had just stepped out of Men in Black came out of the elevator along with the engineer.
I said this was not necessary, but they pushed past me and were like, “M’am step aside.”
They opened the door and one of them was just so annoyed by my kazoo situation that he left.
The other two felt it was necessary to taunt me and chat me up while I was standing in my llama shirt.
I explained the situation, and I started to feel more and more like Carrie on Homeland.
I’m pretty sure all of them believed I needed a lobotomy.
Besides this Kazoo encounter, NYC was such a success.
I spent zillions on cabs, ate an embarrassing number of hot dogs, and drank way too much champagne.
Cheers to Shake Shack and Kazoo’s.
NYC, I love you.
Special thanks to Jen Gummere, my cousin PJ, Steph Cordes, the Danville kids, Zac Moss, Shake Shack, and of course, the one and only