The Royal Wedding

This weekend was perfect.

I was a disaster.

I almost didn’t have a bridesmaid dress, nearly fainted in the church, and realized Giggles cannot act like a 22-year-old.


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The wedding was perfect. I mean Grace Kelly, Kate Middleton, Kim/Kanye Italy kind of perfect. The bride and groom were like movie stars/royalty. Really, I felt like I was at the 2018 royal wedding, but I was Meghan Markle’s dad.


To understand, you must know the timeline:


  • 7:00pm transformation from uncooked turkey to golden brown (spray tan)


  • 7:00am Drybar
  • 8:00am Leave for Santa Barbara
  • 11:00am Bridal brunch
  • 4:00pm Rehearsal at church
  • 6:30pm Rehearsal Dinner


  • 8:00am Hair & make up
  • 12:00pm Pictures
  • 1:30pm leave for church
  • 2:00pm ceremony

It all started when I got a call at 5:30pm on Thursday.

“Hello, this is Fazio. Your dress is taking longer than expected for the tailor. It won’t be ready until 5pm tomorrow.”

I froze. Usually, I would step into a conference room for this sort of catastrophe, but couldn’t hold back my anger and unleashed.

I called Carms, and was scolded for being irresponsible with my timing of the tailor.

Since she was attending, she agreed to drive the dress while I fulfilled my bridesmaid duties.

Friday came, and I thought, a new day is here, but was still fragile from Fazio and wrapped my coat around me like a security blanket at the Drybar.

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We arrived in Santa Barbara and all of my troubles seemed to disappear.

Perhaps it was because I literally left them in Los Angeles.

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We spritzed, rehearsed, and headed off to dinner and all seemed to be going well.

Too well.

The next morning- Where’s the Advil?

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I swooped my items and headed for hair and make up at 7:45am.

The make up artist really had her work cut out for her- I was in the chair for an hour and a half sipping charcoal lemonade, nibbling on a croissant, with my jacket as a blanket.


All I could think of was Carms chastising me about my irresponsibility.

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There was unlimited Casamigos. I couldn’t help myself.

The bride looked regal. I gasped and teared when I saw her in her dress.

It really is such a special moment seeing one of your dearest friends who you’ve been through chapters of life with, get married. It’s v surreal.


We hopped on the bus, and headed to the church without a moment to spare.

At this point Giggles was majorly dehydrated and really not doing well.

I sat down in the pew and immediately regretted my tequila intake.

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You can see the hidden darkness behind my eyes. I could have had a gallon of charcoal lemonade, and still would not have been healed.

Holy hell. I am going to pass out.

At one point, I moved my bouquet over and scooted closer to my dear friend Cammie, knowing that if I fainted, she would catch me.

God was on my side, and I made it through the ceremony, only to find the holy water in the back of the church AKA the Arrowhead jug that saved me.

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At the reception, I learned I was not alone in this feeling and heard many had discovered the holy water mid ceremony.

It was the most perfect wedding, with the most beautiful bride, and  I wish I could do it all over again… With a few less margaritas.

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Giggles Key Takeaways

  1. Get your bridesmaid dress hemmed the day after you have it in your possession.
  2. Tone it down at the rehearsal dinner and consume all the carbohydrates you can find.
  3. Carry a water flask.
  4. Live in the moment, even if it’s being hungover on your friends wedding day.